Monday, June 11, 2012



There was a moment last Monday that I wanted to puke on my sparkly black flip flops as I made the walk from my lawyer's office downtown to the 4th Circuit Court.   There were 5 of us ladies walking to the end of our marriages with our friendly lawyer as our leader.  He informed us that it wouldn't take more then 5 minutes a piece and he was right.

On the way over I walked in front I don't know why. I just led the way as if I couldn't wait to get into the court room, which was honestly the farthest from the truth.  Why does life have to work this way?  I mean, why is it that we have to pay the price for our mistakes?  Why can't they always just work out?  I know the answer.  I also know that it didn't have to turn out this way, but it has. 

I know many people won't ever understand why this day saddened me in part.  I don't know anyone that is happy about their failures.  Do you?  I wish with all my might that it had worked out, but it didn't.  I tried to give it time to work out, but it didn't.  I wish Emma would have a normal family with a daddy, but she doesn't.  Maybe some day.

Don't get me wrong, at this point I am happy to see it end.  After 3 years in limbo it feels like FREEDOM.  I am finally a single person again and can move on.

I know some people will look down on me for it and maybe that is part of my sadness, but I know I did it right.  I know I am in God's will right now.  I know He worked it out.  I know He gives me permission in His word to move on.



  1. AMEN my beautiful friend. So glad you shared this. Sorry for your heavy heart, but it does get better... believe me. Emma has EVERYTHING she needs, an A-mazing strong mama that adores her... AND I bet cha one day mama will have a strong hand to hold as well. Be strong hon, hugs...!

  2. Becky - I empathize with you. I am not nearly as far along in this journey as you are, but our roads will end up being the same. My heart is heavy, there is nothing to celebrate about this situation. I grieve my marriage, I'm saddened for my girls who will know the difficulties of a blended family (at some point in time). It just sucks. But, I also know that I deserve more. I know that I am worthy through Christ. My faith will pull me through this. I will set my sights on a new dream.


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