There was a moment last Monday that I wanted to puke on my sparkly black flip flops as I made the walk from my lawyer's office downtown to the 4th Circuit Court. There were 5 of us ladies walking to the end of our marriages with our friendly lawyer as our leader. He informed us that it wouldn't take more then 5 minutes a piece and he was right.
On the way over I walked in front I don't know why. I just led the way as if I couldn't wait to get into the court room, which was honestly the farthest from the truth. Why does life have to work this way? I mean, why is it that we have to pay the price for our mistakes? Why can't they always just work out? I know the answer. I also know that it didn't have to turn out this way, but it has.
I know many people won't ever understand why this day saddened me in part. I don't know anyone that is happy about their failures. Do you? I wish with all my might that it had worked out, but it didn't. I tried to give it time to work out, but it didn't. I wish Emma would have a normal family with a daddy, but she doesn't. Maybe some day.
Don't get me wrong, at this point I am happy to see it end. After 3 years in limbo it feels like FREEDOM. I am finally a single person again and can move on.
I know some people will look down on me for it and maybe that is part of my sadness, but I know I did it right. I know I am in God's will right now. I know He worked it out. I know He gives me permission in His word to move on.